Could I ever be good enough?
I know the pain of trying to get it right by meeting others’ expectations. I walked the path of trying harder and harder and finally learned that trying harder does not create a rich satisfying life.
I grew up as a “good girl” in a family that believes that if it looks good on the outside, it must be good on the inside. So I worked very hard to get it right, to try to get my loved ones’ approval, to meet their expectations — I earned good grades, followed the rules, did the right things, tried to please the people that mattered. I was praised and rewarded for the accomplishments, the choices, and the success so I did not understand why I was so unhappy.
At the time, I did not notice that the expectations just kept increasing and no one asked or cared what I might want or need. I turned to food for comfort and played the refrain “if I were just thin enough, then I would be happy.” But on the outside, I appeared “successful” and no one noticed how hard I was working all the time or how much pain I was in.
Would I ever feel better?
My response to anxiety and depression was emotional eating. How I felt on the inside did not match how my life appeared on the outside. I entered counseling to truly discover myself. What happened was that I started to live my own life, not the one that looked good and pleased everyone else.
What did I do?
Over a number of years, I transitioned my career and made peace with food and my body. I also created a more satisfying romantic relationship and sought reciprocal friendships. I did not do this by trying any harder. In fact, it was easier than how I lived before. I did it by learning to listen to myself and find my answers with the help of a trusted counselor.
When I asked myself what work I was called to do, I knew that I needed to help others lessen their pain and stop living like "super heroes." I wanted to help people gain their own insight and stop giving away pieces of themselves for others’ approval. I want my clients to live more satisfying lives from the inside out. I know that this is possible.
Just be willing to believe that there is another way.
When I started this process, I really wanted to know how it was all going to end — what the answer was before I knew the question. I completely understand if you feel unsure and a little frightened but I believe that once you consider that another way may exist, things will align to assist you.
Don’t let any more time pass!
Please give me a call and let’s talk about what is going on in your life. I know that this process helped me when I was in pain and did not know what to do. I would love to be with you as you ask your questions and find your answers. You can reach me at 949.922.7800 or via my Contact page.
Wishing you the best,
For those of you who want to know: I am licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist (License # MFT 38154) and have had a private practice in Newport Beach for approximately ten years. I earned degrees from UCLA, Pepperdine and Stanford University.
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